My brother has all these special interests and I shared many of them when I was younger so I know a lot of info about them. I feel like I have a very strained relationship with him as of a result of my own problems, and I cut him off every time he tries to info dump. I’m a terrible older brother and I don’t know how to be better, I wish i could love him, but I don’t know how, seeing all these happy sibling relationships in media and stories of how older brothers hurt their younger brothers just makes me feel like when we grown up I’m going to be the bad guy in his stories of his childhood and I don’t know how to be better. I want to be the loving older brother figure, but I can’t express my emotions in a healthy way, and I just get so angry sometimes I just don’t know what to do anymore I hate being like this, because I know I’m a bad person but I don’t know how to get better and be loving in a way that he can tell I love him.
In recent years, the internet has become a sanctuary for people wanting to unburden themselves,…
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Do you have an option to get a therapist? I know this is a really basic and annoying thing to say, but working through your guilt and finding ways to make it up to your little brother can be pretty much found as a key to this problem in there. You're strong for facing the reality and acknowledging you hurt him badly.